Breathing from the heart

I have been struggling with my own Ego, with all the aspects of my human existence that reflect fear, anger, disappointment, jealousy, expectations that are not met and all the negative emotions that tend to shadow our inner light.

I have been searching for a way to get these weeds out of my garden. Regarding this matter, I received a beautiful answer from a fellow QHHT Level 2 Practitioner, Kim Nogueira, from the US Virgin Islands. So, to my question: "How do you handle and quiet your ego? What helps you understand that your ego is maybe gaining more control and more power?", she replied: "I like to keep things simple for myself, and I find that breathing from my heart, just bringing my focus of awareness onto my heart and breathing from there, really helps me. I do it throughout the day, especially when I think I'm getting too busy in my head, losing myself. When I'm there focused on my heart, I'm in gratitude and love".

I was in awe. By her words, by the fact that wisdom lies in simplicity, and by the impact those simple words had on me. "Breathing from my heart"... "I'm in gratitude and love". How simple and yet magical and strong. But I wondered, how easy is it to apply this to our daily lives? It shouldn't be that difficult, right? All we have to do is to bring our awareness to our heart and breathe from there. And instantly we feel the vibrational shift. But...what does it really mean to breathe from the heart? What does it really mean to be in gratitude and love? What is love, after all? And how can we feel gratitude when there is so much missing from our lives?

Love is one of the most controversial concepts of our human existence. Supposedly we all know what love is, but it seems that each one defines love quite differently. Otherwise, there would not be so many complaints and so many conflicts in our relationships. How many times have we thought or actually said - maybe not in these exact words - to a loved one (be it a partner, a family member, or a friend): "You don't really love me.", "You have never loved me", "You do not love me the way I need to be loved", "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this" etc. Or perhaps someone else has addressed these complaints to us.

We often feel disappointed and alone in our relationships, because the other person is not offering us all the things that we need. And the moment we realize that, our love for them seems to change as well.

Do we really truly love the other person for who they are? For everything that they really are? Or do we keep the qualities that are useful to us and feel pleasant and then we try to change all the rest? Do we really accept the other person fully, do we embrace all aspects of themselves, all of their choices? Do we allow them to be on their own journey, even if that means we won't benefit from it? What is it about the other person that we love? Is it the fact that they take care of us? Is it the fact they make us feel worthy and valuable? Is it that they soothe the illusion of separation and loneliness?

I was reflecting on all those questions and finally, it hit me. We love the other person because they love us. We kind of need the other person to love us, because someone has to do it. Because it seems that we are not capable of doing it ourselves. So we hand out to our loved ones this huge responsibility of loving us, and we expect them to do it exactly the way we would do it. And if they fail us, oh boy if they fail us... Trauma and drama!

We spend so much time, energy, and effort trying to make our loved ones exactly what we want and need them to be. We want to carve and shape them in a way that fulfills our deepest wants and needs. We want to make them the best version of themselves, a version that is best for us. And we call that love. This is not love, this is need, this is lack, this is trying to fill a void, the void that we are. And you know what is missing? Self-love. Lack of self-love is creating this void that needs to be filled up by other people's love and affection. We get so angry when our loved ones do not take care of us, when they are not considerate to us, when they do not focus on us, but do we ever get angry at ourselves for not doing all that? I think we do, but not in a way we are aware of.

When we engage in self-destructive behaviors, when we get ourselves sick, when we deprive ourselves of sleep, healthy food, and healthy habits, when we attack our body one way or another, when we repeat the same mistakes again and again, immersing ourselves into a vicious cycle, when we allow all kinds of "toxins" to affect and infect us, when we whip ourselves with thoughts of unworthiness, this is us being totally angry at us! And we are angry because, deep down, we do not love ourselves, we do not appreciate ourselves!

So what would happen if, instead of spiraling downwards in resentment and self-loathing, we started to learn how to love and take care of ourselves? What if every time we felt lonely, unappreciated, unheard, like a failure, we gave ourselves a big hug, yes, with our own two arms? We take it for granted that someone else always offers a hug, and we do not even dare to turn our hands towards us. What if every time a dark negative thought about ourselves crawled into our mind, we did something lovely for ourselves, like go for a walk in nature, have a nice relaxing bath, play with our kids, talk to a friend, or whatever might seem right at that moment? What would it be like if we expected no one else to love us than ourselves? Crazy huh? This is the life of a loner, right? Am I actually proposing to live like an outcast with no relationships and ties whatsoever?

No, the exact opposite. What I am saying is something I have just recently realized. The fact that we are all energy, that even our thoughts are energy, and that we are constantly creating the reality we want. There are no limitations and restrictions. It can be either good or bad or something in the middle. The universe always answers with a YES! To our every thought, to our every wish and desire. For instance, if we think no one loves us, then the universe will say "Yes, no one loves you". And these are the kind of experiences that we will be welcoming into our life. Experiences that will prove that no one loves us. So, if we for a change, be in love and gratitude, meaning loving ourselves and not expecting others to do it for us, loving and accepting others for who they are and allowing them on their own life's journey, with no blame and no judgment, if we feel grateful for the love we have in our life, if we feel that our life is filled with love at all times, then we are inviting and welcoming even more love, effortlessly, in a way that is fully aligned to us, with no obstacles to overcome and no differences to bridge. It all just happens, simply and lovingly.

So to me, breathing from the heart, breathing from my heart, means to love all aspects of me and all aspects of my loved ones, because I am learning to honor and respect their free will, to distance myself from people that are negatively affecting me, not judging or blaming them, just letting them go, with love, to be kind and generous to me like I would be to a child, a friend, a partner, a client, or just a random stranger, to be grateful for all the love in my life, knowing that my life is always filled with love.

I have not yet mastered this, in fact, I am just taking my first baby steps learning how to be like that. But deep in my heart I know it, I feel it, that I am walking in the right direction and I feel so blessed that I have been guided towards that.

So, I had to write all of these words and thoughts to come down to the same conclusion that Kim so wisely said all along. Because, to sum it up, breathing from the heart means to be in gratitude and love. Simple as that...